What the Boss Doesn't Know
by Pairing-Naz
Summary: The Felt have a small party, and the Handmaid is dragged into the festivities. What Lord English doesn't know won't hurt him. Oneshot. One-sided Quarters x Handmaid, mentions of Handmaid x Lord English


Alone at last.

Well, not entirely.

While her master was gone for who knows how long, The Handmaid was far from alone. She had fifteen house mates.

Still, no Lord English for a while. No missions. It would be pleasant.

The handmaid brushed out her hair, the comb not hitting a single snag despite how long it was in the front. She set her comb down, smiling. She felt good about herself today. No constant rantings filled with insults.

She looked to the door, hearing the Felt talk in excited whispers. What was going on?

The Handmaid jumped as her door flew open, Eggs in the doorway. He was shaking with excitement.

"Handymaid! Da Boss isn't here!" the rather idiotic Leprechaun bellowed, "You know what that means?!"

The Handmaid resisted the urge to cover her ears. "No, what does that mean?"

"DANCE PARTY!" Eggs lunged at her, grabbing her wrist and dragging the troll out of the room.

The Handmaid did not resist. Eggs was surprisingly large, not that she was intimidated. Though she was apprehensive to join the dancing. Dancing was not really allowed in the manor, mostly because it was practically a mating ritual for the species.

Still, English was not here, so what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

The Handmaid was pulled into the ballroom, surprised that it really was a party. Food, drinks, even a few decorations were out. Eggs let her go, quickly going over to Biscuits. Soon both were talking loudly with silly grins on their faces.

The troll was a bit disappointed that Snowman was no where to be found. She was probably bothering Spades Slick or up in her room playing with her violin.

She was most likely with Slick, however.

Music started playing. The tune was upbeat and jazzy. Perfect for dancing. The Felt didn't start dancing right away however, save for Clover who started humming with his little jig. Awkward glances were tossed his way.

Clover was incredibly flirty. From what the Handmaid had heard, he even flirted with Lord English way back when.

The Handmaid made her way to the refreshments, which were being watched over by Doze. The Leprechaun tilted his hat to her.

"Good day." He said slowly, an apathetic look on his face, "Pleased you could join us. Would you like a drink?"

The Handmaid didn't have time to answer, as Itchy suddenly popped up and screamed in Doze's ear.

"IT'S THE MIDNIGHT CREW! THEY'RE HERE TO KIDNAP YOU!"

Doze activated his power out of shock, now flinching in slow motion. Itchy cackled, taking a cup of coffee and putting it in the punch.

"Aren't you supposed to put in liquor?" she asked, frowning at him.

"Huh? Oh right! Well... This is ruined isn't it?!" He took the punch and dashed away, off to drink it himself.

It had probably been his intention the whole time. Itchy loved coffee and sugar.

The Handmaid shook her head, stepping away from the refreshment table. Now there was only liquor, and she was not a huge fan of that.

She weaved around Fin and Trace, who were now dancing together. She didn't quite know which quadrant they were dancing in however. There were so many combinations.

She made her way over to Crowbar, Stitch, and Matchsticks; the three most intellectual members of the Felt. She caught a bit of their conversation.

"So I says, give me the money, or I'll break your fingers." Crowbar explained, "Little fool actually thought he could get the first hit on me. Ha."

"You break his fingers?" Matchsticks asked, still clutching his fire extinguisher.

"Naw… Well yes, but more then that. Got Clover to cut his hamstrings and remove his knee caps also." Crowbar said, grinning, "Even let the little guy dance on him. Oh, he had fun. Had to explain to the kid how to do it correctly mind you, still, he did good."

Stitch laughed. "I bet he had fun dancing on him. Kid loves to dance."

"A bit too much, I think." Matchsticks added.

The Handmaid cleared her throat. "Crowbar?"

Crowbar, quickly took off his hat, lowering his head. "Ah, hello missy. Is there something you need?"

The Handmaid smiled at his politeness. The Felt respected her. She liked that. "Not really. I just thought you should know Itchy ran off with the punch after he added coffee."

Matchsticks grimaced. "He put what in the punch? That's just nasty."

Crowbar cursed, rubbing his face as he put his hat back on. "Damn it. I'll try and get more punch so we don't all end up getting drunk. Last thing we need is Eggs and Biscuits to be even dumber." He turned, shouting, "Cans! We need more Punch!"

"Right away!" Cans yelled back, leaving the ballroom to make more.

"Uh… Missy?"

The Handmaid turned, looking up at the massive leprechaun that had gained her attention. "Hello Quarters."

Quarters rubbed his lip, looking a tad nervous. "Say, you wouldn't mind dancing with me would you?"

The Handmaid smiled sadly. Oh, poor guy seemed to be infatuated with her. Pity really, she was already taken.

If you could call her current relationship an actual relationship. It was more like she was a prisoner, held captive by a perverted man-child.

Again, English was not around.

"Sure, you may have to teach me though." The troll said, linking her arm with his. She smiled at the pleased look on his face. He wasn't the only one to ever ask for a dance. Clover, Crowbar… Hell, now that she thought about it, they all tried to dance with her at some point. She literally was one of the first females they ever saw.

Quarters, however, was the only one who kept asking even after English forbade the Handmaid from joining their little courtship jigs.

They made it too the center of the ballroom, Quarters, taking her hand in his, resting his hand on her hip. He was ridiculously tall, making it a bit awkward. He was not the largest member of the Felt. That went to Cans, who was even larger then Lord English.

"Now, just follow me." He took a few steps to the side, the handmaid following him to the best of her ability. Luckily his feet were too large for her to actually step on them, "Don't look at your feet. That just slows you down."

"This is far from a typical jig." The Handmaid said, squeeking as Quarters sped up his steps.

"It's a quick step. This is an actual dance, not flirting." Quarters said, brushing past Fin and Trace, "Your doing pretty well at keeping up."

"I-I have always been rather fast when it came to foot work." The troll was now having trouble keeping up. She was often amazed at how fast some of the Felt were. Itchy not included. Especially the larger members.

Quarters slowed down, soon only swaying in place. "Is this easier?"

"Yeah, thanks." The Handmaid smiled, now casting a glance at their feet. She looked back up at him. "Thanks, for always being so kind."

"Anything for you." The leprechaun flushed, quickly letting her go, "Oh, uh... Sorry. Shit. Don't tell him I said that. Oh god."

"What Lord English doesn't know, won't hurt him." The Handmaid said, smiling softly.


End file.
